When I was single, I wasn’t sure I was ever going to find a man that I wanted to live with for the rest of my life, because so many of the men I met were irritating. And other people’s relationships often looked irritating as well.
Perhaps that’s why I like fiction so much.
However, one of the deal breakers for me would be to have a man telling me what to do. I am a very independent soul — I didn’t realize that until I started dating. I try to be giving and nurturing, but the minute someone tells me that I have to be giving or takes my generosity as a right — it’s time for me to hit the road. Accordingly, I don’t like fiction where the men boss women around. That’s a fictional deal breaker for me.
English: Petruchio (Kevin Black) and Kate (Emily Jordan) from a Carmel Shakespeare Festival production of “The Taming of the Shrew” at the outdoor Forest Theater in Carmel, CA., Oct, 2003. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Oops. Unless it’s Shakespeare and Taming of the Shrew. The versions I like best give the impression that Petruchio has taught Katharine to “play nice” but that she will still be able to express herself in private.
But even with an exception for Taming, the love stories I like best end with a marriage of equals.
What are your deal breakers?
This is uncanny. I could have written this post and I have the same reaction to Taming of the Shrew that you mention here.
Yeah, that’s a dealbreaker for me. DO NOT tell me what to do, or trap me / put me in situations where I have no choice but to comply with what you want, or assume you know what I want. I make my own choices. There are other things but that’s huge.
In the John Cleese version of Taming, I get the sense that he will fight for Kate and that (in his way) he will protect her. He also is savvy and strong enough to get what he wants from other people — sometimes enjoying, sometimes taking advantage of their foibles. But he is very much his own person who doesn’t really care what other people think of him (think of the wedding clothes). Somehow, that’s attractive.
Little or no sense of humor. Definite deal breaker.
As for someone telling me what to do, I honestly never thought about this as a deal breaker. I think it was so much a part of my expectations to not be talked down to, that I naturally gravitated toward men who would have never done that. I credit my father for this. He was what some people would call a man’s man, but he had such respect for my mother. In my “old age” I’m very thankful for what he modeled for me.
Deal breaker? Belittling. It’s unacceptable.
Agree. Thanks for commenting.
I had a few critera I was looking for in a “man”. Quotes because when I was smitten when we were both teenagers. One thing would be – he had to get along well with my friends and family (because I wasn’t going to drop them for him!) and likewise I had to like his family /friends. Sense of humour was a prerequisite as I couldn’t possibly be with someone who couldn’t make me laugh. Had to love children and be responsible (as I was looking to have children with him!) but also, couldn’t be a doormat and have people (including me) be able to push him around. As for treating me right – I wouldn’t even consider someone who couldn’t do that!
We passed the 30 year mark this year and we are still laughing and are each other’s best friends. so I feel incredibly lucky I found the right guy so young.
P.S. I agree about the idea of The Taming of the Shrew being pretty hard to take in this modern era, but it is still pretty funny stuff. I saw the version with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor and that was surprisingly entertainlng but I really love the short version of it in the Shakespeare Retold series with Shirley Henderson and Rufus Sewell.
(Sorry to be so long-winded)
Congrats on 30 years. Coming up on 24 myself. I like Rufus Sewell as Petruchio as well.